Hopefully Soon

So many thoughts on parenting...............

My kids have their hearts set on Disneyland, in four weeks. But, again, we've told them that if they can't listen, can't stop fighting, can't stop arguing with us that we aren't sure that it's a trip that we want to take. Well, this morning, the kids get up and get into bed with me and yet again start fighting with each other and I just can't take it anymore. I just can't. Maria screams like no one I've ever heard. Holden blames it on anyone but himself. But, I am there the whole time. I know what is happening.

I lose it. I tell them it's over and for the second year in a row....................we are not going to Disneyland. Mind you, this is not me just losing my temper one day and taking something away. This is constantly trying to teach consequences and I'm truly starting to believe that sometimes it just doesn't work. Parenting is so hard and I know that everyone has an opinion on everyone else's parenting.

Craig and I will talk about it tonight and more than likely this year we will go. I REALLY WANT TO GO. But, I just get so tired of the kids fighting and not listening, to me especially. Sometimes I truly feel like my head will explode.

I think it's just time for school to start.

I Can't Believe The Summer Is Over

Well, it's here. The new school year. We just went to the pool for the last time this summer. Oh, we'll go again. But, it won't be during the summer.

This summer went so fast!!! Last summer felt like it was a century, but this summer felt like I just blinked and it was over. Maria has grown so much over this summer - maturity wise. Never MIND that the girl is only three inches shorter than Holden. She has just become such a little lady. I'm so proud of her. And Holden, well........he just keeps getting better and better as well. He just never quits talking, quits analyzing or quits thinking. I am thankful for all of those things.

So, like I said at the end of the school year.......where does all the time go?

Life Isn't Perfect

I don't know how long it's going to take me to figure out that life isn't perfect, but I hope it happens soon. It seems like every Sunday that I work, I come home and the kids and Craig have been hanging out and nothing has been done. Meanwhile, I've worked a few hours and want to come home to house that has been picked up at least a little and to kids who are dressed with teeth and hair brushed.

Most Sundays, I'm disappointed. I end up making beds, picking things up, brushing hair and all the while, grumbling under my breath. Maria asks me today, "Mommy, why does everything always have to be so perfect for you?" I realize immediately how hard it must be for her to live with someone like me.

I try, I really do, to not have things in order all the time. It drives Craig crazy, to the point where I'm sure he would rather not be around me at times. I think I should just try to take the advice that I give the kids when things don't go their way...................Breathe, Tanya, breath...1,,,,2,,,,3,,,,4,,,,,5,,,,,6,,,,,7,,,,,8,,,,,,9,,,,,10.

They Truly Say The Best Things

Yesterday, both kids said things truly sweet and funny, respectively.

Maria and I were at dinner last night and when dinner was over she came over and gave me a really big hug. She says, "Mommy, I wish you were a rock. And then, I wish I was a rock." "Why?", I say. "Because", she says, "then I can lay on top of you and be with you FOREVER!" I had to hold back my tears.

Holden is still up in Oregon with my parents. I miss him so much, but he is having a wonderful time. Last night my dad called and told me something Holden said that was just too funny. They decided they were going to stay the night up in Portland to go to a couple of places so they wouldn't have to drive for four hours a day. Holden asked my dad, "Are we going to stay in a 3-star hotel or a 4-star hotel? Because, you know, I've been getting 5-star service here." WAY too funny!!!

My Life Must Have Taken Forever

My job requires me to be at work in the mornings and the evenings. Which means, my kids have to go with me during the summers to "KidsWorld". They are so lucky to have such a great place to go. They get to play and have lots of fun with other kids and best of all, they don't have to be there all day.

I was taking the kids there the other day - at the beginning of the summer break and was trying to explain to them how lucky they are to be able to spend so much time with me. When I was young, I was telling them, I had to spend my entire day in daycare and I only got to see my parents in the evening for about an hour to an hour and a half and on weekends. Holden just sat there for a minute and then says........"Wow, your life must have taken FOREVER!".

PRICELESS

Where Has The School Year Gone

Seriously, where has this school year gone? It seems like just yesterday Maria had her first day of kindergarten. My little baby, babyhood gone :-(. My little man, third grade. In exactly 10 1/2 weeks, it'll be first grade for Maria and fourth grade for Holden. We've made HUGE progress this year. Maria is now reading and I no longer read to her at night. She wants to read to me - lovely. It makes me so very proud. Holden is, I swear, smarter than me in math. There was one day when I truly couldn't figure out a word problem. I remember being so frustrated that I called Craig and practically started crying. Well, you all know me well enough to know that I DID CRY. Holden said to me that day, " Oh Mom, don't worry. The math wasn't this hard when you were in third grade." Adorable. And now, here I sit and the school year is just flashing through in my mind.

I just want to capture every moment in my hand, and I can't. In nine years Holden will be off to college and I'll be sitting here pondering the same thought: Where has the school year gone?

Three Day Weekends

What a weekend. It was so nice. We had a barbecue - oysters - and just had a nice one. The kids were great and I realized for once how nice it was to just relax. That is really hard for me. I think I put my family under a lot of stress, trying to make things perfect all the time. But, I tried really hard this weekend to just relax. It was a lot of fun :-).